While we’re on the subject of praise (if you’re reading this in order¹⁴), not all praise is the same. Not even all genuine praise. It’s probably fair to say that genuine praise isn’t ever a bad thing, but there’s OK praise and then there’s really great praise. People who understand how to give really great praise are relatively rare, and they’re wonderful. And you can be one of them once you know how.

So here’s a quick lesson for you in how to give people the best possible praise. Ten out of ten praise (that’s your score, not theirs).

The first, and perhaps most important thing, is to make the praise specific. Don’t just say, ‘Well done’ or ‘That was brilliantly organised’. You can start there, but then tell them exactly why: ‘Not only did it all go smoothly, but you stayed cheerful and unruffled throughout, and you thought of everything, right down to the well-chosen flowers and the personal taxis waiting for people at the end.’ Now isn’t that better to hear than a simple ‘well done’? There’s nothing pat or dismissive about it. You’ve obviously really noticed and appreciated how hard they worked and what their personal contribution was.

Now discuss it with them. Ask them questions. People love talking about themselves, and it shows you’re really interested. ‘Where did you find that great slide to illustrate your volcano analogy? Did you put it together yourself?’

And here’s another point you’ll recognise if you’ve ever been on the receiving end: don’t add a ‘but’: ‘Next time let’s try to keep it down to fifteen minutes.’ Any kind of sting in the tail devalues the praise that went before it. You can’t score ten out of ten that way.

You’re up to about six out of ten already. In fact, you may already have scored full marks for minor items of praise – your young child’s picture they’ve brought home from school, or a minor success at work (it can start sounding insincere and patronising if you make a huge deal out of a small thing). But when someone has scored a particular triumph, there’s still more you can do.

People like recognition. There are lots of different reasons for wanting it, but everyone does. So when someone does really well, make your praise more formal or more public – and let them know. Put it on their personnel record, send them an email of thanks and copy other people in the family or company in on it. Thank them in front of people whose good opinion they value. Tell them when other people praise them: ‘Meg was telling me she couldn’t have got through her wedding without your calming influence, and your ability to know exactly what was supposed to be happening everywhere at any time.’

So there you are. You now have the wherewithal to be a ten out of ten praiser. And the delightful privilege alongside it of being able to give other people a palpable sense of being valued and appreciated.