This sounds like a truism, which of course it is. With very rare exceptions such as clinically diagnosable sociopaths – who I’m not going to advise on without professional qualifications – people would rather be liked than not liked. Some people are desperate to be liked at all costs, and some prefer to be liked but don’t let it get in the way. No, actually, even these people care quite a lot about being liked by the people they themselves like and respect – they’re just more discriminating than the former category. Obviously it’s a spectrum and not just two groups, and it’s useful to be aware of where on the spectrum the people you deal with are placed.

Everyone recognises, consciously or otherwise, that liking is generally reciprocal. You don’t often like someone who really dislikes you. So people are more likely to co-operate with you if they think you like them than if they think you don’t. After all, what have they got to lose by being obstructive if you don’t like them anyway? Whereas if you like each other, it will take more for them to get in the way of that.

So the Rule here is that if you like someone you’re more likely to get the best from them than if you don’t. They’ll sense that you like them – come on, you can pretty much tell who likes you and who doesn’t – and that will encourage them to retain your good opinion.

If this sounds like it’s too simple, think about the cantankerous people you know, the ones who don’t seem to like people much. They clearly haven’t worked it out. If they liked you a bit more, wouldn’t you be more inclined to be supportive when they asked for it? More likely to agree with them? More likely to listen to them when they wanted to be heard?

Of course, the other person has to be aware that you like them. Which probably happens naturally if you do – all of this runs smoothly most of the time and neither of you needs to give it any conscious thought. But what about the people you actually don’t like? They’re the pesky blighters to deal with, aren’t they? And the fact you don’t like them, and they sense it, means they probably don’t give you any more help than they need to. So you don’t like them even more, and look – here’s a vicious circle.

Now, you don’t have to break this circle if you don’t want to, but surely you do want to? You need to start liking this irritating, difficult, obstructive person if you want to get the best out of them. Tricky, eh? Yes, it is tricky, but it isn’t impossible.

I find the best approach is not to try to like the whole of them all at once – it’s just too difficult. But there’s almost always something to like. You just have to look for it. Think about what their partner or kids must see in them, consider why they are as they are. Even if you begin simply by feeling sorry for them which, as Shakespeare said, is ‘a degree to love’. Perhaps they’re good at their job which makes your life easier, or they can be very funny, or they’re kind to animals – I don’t know, but if you make a start, it’s often possible to reach a point where you stop disliking them and, slowly, move into liking them. And as for them being able to tell – pay them the occasional genuine compliment, give them a smile when you see them, and it will come naturally over time.