I know a couple who almost never argue or bicker. When they occasionally do, it’s always about the same thing – he says she doesn’t listen to him. This is quite true, she often doesn’t. And I know why. It’s because he repeats himself, so it’s boring to listen and she switches off. Ah, but why does he repeat himself? I can tell you that too. It’s because she never seems to be listening.

It takes two people co-operating for one of them to listen. Now, in the case above, I’d say it’s a 50/50 split as to who is responsible for the not listening. Sometimes you’ll find yourself up against someone who is contributing a lot more than 50 per cent of the problem. But it’s very rare that it comes entirely from the listener’s side. Even if they’ve got their fingers in their ears and are singing ‘La, la, la … ’, there’s probably a reason why they’re doing that.

If someone persistently doesn’t listen – or doesn’t hear what you’re saying – you need to do something different. Otherwise nothing will change. There will be a reason they’re not listening, so work out what it is. Are you undermining their authority, criticising them, saying something they don’t want to hear, making them look bad in front of someone else? Whatever the reason, try to accommodate it. Take a different tone, speak to them in private, plan out how to get your point across more succinctly, pick a better time. Show them why what you have to say is worth listening to.

Anyone is more likely to listen to you if they’re on your side. So adopt a non-combative tone, pick your moment, use words that make them feel good about themselves. Even if you have to criticise (do you, do you really?), find a positive way to express it. Why should they listen unless you make it worth their while?

A note here about teenage children (now why would they crop up in a Rule about people who won’t listen?). If they’re simply not going to hear you, there’s no point saying whatever it is. It doesn’t matter how important you think it is, there’s still no point. If you can’t get them on your side – even using any of the Rules in the last section – let it go.

If the other person is part of the conversation, they’ll find it much harder not to hear what you’re saying. So ask them questions, agree with any responses you can and, most important of all (drum roll here, please), listen to what they’re saying. Yep, be absolutely sure that you’re not guilty of the exact same thing you’re accusing them of. It’s easily done. Maybe they might change your mind? No? If that’s simply not possible, you’re being as closed-minded as they are.