This Rule is about creating a sense of empathy, like the last one. Humans are social animals and we want to make that social connection with other people. The more you can help this along, the more people you will find you have on your side. Whether you want to beg a favour, close a sale, drive social change, come to an agreement, get someone to sign your petition, organise a lift share rota or politely ask a neighbour to keep their dog off your front garden, the more empathy you have with the other person, the better your chances of success.

This Rule can be slightly tricky to get your head around until you get in the swing of it. Some people – if you’re lucky you’ll be one of them – do it intuitively without even realising it. Most of us have to make a conscious effort. At least until we get used to it.

I had a colleague who was just brilliant at it. We had a wide range of clients, from all classes and backgrounds. And this colleague of mine would subtly change the way she spoke to each of them. It wasn’t a huge change – most people would never have noticed it – but she would be a little bit more formal with this client, or more matey with that one, or more deferential, or more distant here, or less chatty there.

The crucial thing (and this is why it can take a little while to master) is that she wasn’t faking any of it. She wasn’t a distant person sometimes pretending to be chatty, or a matey person faking being respectful. These were all different sides of her real self, and she simply presented the most appropriate side to each person she encountered.

This is about subtle behaviours. It’s about choosing a particular form of address, or choosing a suitable turn of phrase. Look, we all swear, don’t we? Your worst swear word might be way less bad than someone else’s, but it’s still swearing to you, however mild the next person might think it. Or maybe you’re big into swearing. Whatever. Now, think of the worst, sweariest thing you’d personally ever say, if you were with your best friend or your partner or whoever you are most able to be yourself round. OK, whatever that word is, think of someone you’d never say it in front of. Your grandfather? Your MD? A customer you’ve never met before? Your 5-year-old?

Right, that’s what I’m talking about. It’s the same you, but you’d say the Bad Word in front of one person and not in front of another. And this Rule is about presenting a different side of you to different people. You might call one person sir or madam, and the next by their first name, despite being in the same relation to them both. You know person A likes to be treated with deference, and person B enjoys feeling like an equal.

If you’re switched on to the people you’re dealing with, the way they speak and behave, the phrases they use and the attitudes they have, you can adapt your own behaviour to sit comfortably with theirs. They’ll appreciate it without even realising it.