Though the lessons and experiments we have shared in this section have focused on how to cultivate great relationships with the people you manage, most of them can apply to any relationship, even your relationship with your boss. Because managing up is a very important part of almost everyone's life, it is important to devote some time to the question, “How do I cultivate a great relationship with my boss?”

Larry's best friend, the late Pat Mene, was a top performer, whose expertise and leadership won two Malcolm Baldridge Awards for The Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company. Pat was a great manager in his own right, and based on some of the “managing up” he experienced, he created a list of the top-10 ass-kissing lines of all time. Number one on the list: “Boss, now I know how the disciples must have felt!” Ass kissing is a time-honored approach to managing up, but we do not recommend it. We do not recommend self-promotion or manipulation. We recommend investing in the relationship, and we will share some specific suggestions with you here. To get us started, here is a story from Kim:

Here are some guidelines to help you manage up.

1. Accept your boss as she is. Honor her character traits, values, strengths, and weaknesses. Do not try to change her. Just as this is the cornerstone of cultivating positive relationships with the people you manage, this may be the single-most-affirming thing you can do for your boss.
2. Look for areas in which you and the boss have complementary strengths. These present opportunities for synergy.
3. Look for areas in which you have strengths that are weaknesses for your boss. These are unique ways you can help him.
4. Look for areas in which your boss has strengths and you have potential but lack experience. Ask her to help you grow in these areas.
5. Make your boss's priorities your own.^*Understand his needs, goals, and expectations. You want to understand these things about your customers, don't you? Why? Because knowing these things empowers you to add value as your customer defines it. Do the same for your boss. The more clarity you have about his expectations, the easier it is to meet (and exceed) those expectations.
6. Demonstrate fierce loyalty and unmitigated trust. Make sure your boss knows you seek her greatest good. Keep your boss well informed. Do not hide information. Be willing to ask tough questions and share things that are true, even if she might not want to hear them. When you disagree with decisions she has made, do it in private. Support the decisions in public, even if you do not agree. Remember, you might be wrong. Do not speak negatively about your boss to others. That is blatantly disloyal. If you are going to meet with your boss's boss, say so before you do it. If her boss calls you into a meeting unexpectedly, let your boss know what it was about as soon as possible.
7. Ask for advice and guidance. Although you should bring possible solutions, you will run into problems. It shows respect to ask your boss for guidance.
8. Do not be defensive. That is worth repeating. Do not be defensive. Start from a position of trust, assuming that your boss seeks your greatest good. From time to time, you are going to have your ass chewed. Sometimes it will be unfair. As a friend, Jim Horsman, says, “Lick your wounds and move on.”
9. Share good news. Do not create a situation in which you only interact with your boss when there is a problem or when you are going to ask for something. Share a team success, share something great about one of your team members, or share a new idea.
10. Show appreciation. Give your boss recognition when he has earned it. We tend to think about recognition as being only top down. We need to escape that thinking. Like anyone else in your organization, your boss does things that merit some recognition. It does not have to be expensive or time consuming.

Managing up effectively makes a difference in your relationship with your manager. Also consider this: The way you manage up sets a powerful example for the people you manage. Are you managing up with your leader in the way you would like your team members to manage up with you? In closing this chapter, we leave you with this question: On a scale from 1 to 10, how much does your boss enjoy spending time with you? Know the answer to this question, and try these suggestions for pushing that number up.

What did you learn?