Cultivating positive relationships makes a difference. We have given you a number of experiments to test out in your laboratory that can help you cultivate more positive relationships—with the people you manage, with your own manager, and even with your friends and family. Here is an important caveat. In any relationship, things are not always equal, and that can lead you to feel dissatisfied. If you let it.

Many of us carry around the notion that relationships between two people should be 50/50. In the ideal scenario, the burdens should be shared equally, and so should the rewards. While that would be nice, that is not reality. In reality, on any given day, one person in the relationship puts in more and carries more of the burden, even though the rewards are equally shared. Relationships have an ebb and flow. They may be 60/40 in one direction on some days and 70/30 in the opposite direction on other days. And this might not even out over time. But the rewards might be equally shared anyway. Is this fair? Is this equitable? Interestingly, yes.

As a manager, you have separate one-on-one relationships with each of your direct reports. And each person has different needs. One, for example, needs public recognition. Another needs to vent every other day. A third needs strong, clear direction and follow-up. Great managers put the needs of their people ahead of their own needs. Great managers understand that often they must do more of the relationship “heavy lifting” to help their people thrive.

This ebb and flow also exists in your personal relationships. On any given day, the contributions from each person will not be 50/50. During a given period of time, more might be asked of you. You might have to be more forgiving, more courageous, or more disciplined. In any relationship, each person brings different needs and capabilities to the ebb and flow. It is extremely unlikely each person will contribute equally. Do not seek equity. Just ask yourself the following question:

“Is the value I am getting out of this relationship worth what I am putting into it?”

In all cases, personal and professional, you need to be clear about why you are in the relationship. Because the “why” informs the value you receive. Value, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Once you are clear about the why, you can answer that question. It bears repeating:

“Is the value I am getting out of this relationship worth what I am putting into it?”

If your answer is, “Yes,” why worry about whether the other person is getting more than they deserve based on what they are putting into the relationship? If their rewards were reduced, how would that help you? Why not have an abundance mentality?

If your answer is, “No. What I am getting is not worth what I am putting into it,” make a change. If you cannot—or will not—change your relationship, then accept it and embrace it. Stress arises from resistance to what is.