Great managers appropriately place a high value on loyalty. When the chips are down, they want to know that they can rely on the loyalty of their people. But loyalty must flow in both directions.

It is easy to criticize, to find fault, to tear others down—in large and small ways. How often do groups of employees go out after work and complain about the boss, or about other employees? This kind of activity is widespread, but it cannot be characterized as harmless. It hurts people, including those who engage in it. There is a reason people would not want their negative remarks shared with their targets. Do not let this type of behavior become part of your culture.

This type of disloyal behavior is damaging in several ways.

1. It reinforces the speaker's misgivings about the person being discussed.
2. It leaves a negative impression in the mind of the listeners—not only about the person being discussed, but also about the speaker.
3. When it gets back to the person being discussed (and it usually does) it reduces engagement and destroys trust.
4. It causes the targets to doubt their actions or decisions, which undermines their ability to perform with excellence.
5. It hurts the positive-negative ratio for everyone involved.

If this type of behavior is part of your culture, what do you think people say about you when you are not present? If you believe you are exempt, you are fooling yourself.

What do you say about your people when they are not present? When you are with a group of your peers and they start telling amusing stories about the deficiencies of their people, do you join in? Or do you say, “My people are terrific!” and tell a story about a recent success? Do you stand up for them? Like many of the suggestions we have offered for shaping your culture, this only works when the positive things you say about people are true. (And what did your mother teach you about what to say when you have nothing nice to say?)

Assuming you are being honest and sincere, what happens when you are 100 percent positive and supportive of your people when they are not present?

1. It reinforces your belief in the person being discussed.
2. It leaves a positive impression in the mind of the listeners.
3. When it gets back to the person being discussed, it builds trust, increases engagement, and intensifies loyalty.
4. It increases your moral authority.
5. It causes your employees who benefit from it to believe in themselves and strive to live up to your expectations. It improves their ability to perform with excellence.
6. You contribute to a healthier, more positive culture.