Control your mental response to stress 113
the things that we expect, because they cause our brains to lter
out contrary evidence. So, what you focus on is vital.
If you expect a meeting or interview to go badly and to put you
under pressure, then you brain will spot every expression, every
choice of words and every action that could be interpreted as
hostile and bring it to your attention, drowning out all of the
neutral and positive comments or acts. If, on the other hand,
you have prepared well, are condent, and expect the meeting
to go well, then the rst smile you get will reinforce this and odd
choices of words will go unnoticed or be attributed to momen-
tary lapses.
In a very real sense, our brains create our own reality for us,
which may or may not correspond with what an objective
observer might describe.
Meaning
‘Take nothing on its looks; take everything on
evidence. There’s no better rule.’
The lawyer, Jaggers, in Charles Dickens’s Great Expectations
Jaggers’s injunction is an ideal. Yet, for most of the time we do
exactly the opposite and interpret things as they seem. External
events don’t have any ‘meaning’. They are what they are, and
any meaning comes from the interpretations that you or I attach
to them. How often have you heard yourself saying something
like:
‘When she says that, she doesn’t think I’m good enough for . . .’
‘When he does that, it means he thinks . . .’
‘Did you see what she just did? She’s a complete . . .’
‘He didn’t need to do that, he must want . . .’
‘When that happens, it happens because . . .’