126 brilliant stress management
yourself, can’t you? Of course you can. Also think about how
you say things. Consider the difference between: ‘I got really
lucky,’ which credits your success to luck, and ‘I really grabbed
that opportunity and made a huge success of it,’ which gives you
the credit. Words are important. Start to notice the words you
choose and make the choices that give you a real boost. They
offer attery, motivation, condence building and a mental
boost – all for free!
Make yourself your own motiva-
tional coach. Don’t worry about
being over-the-top and cheesy,
because nobody can hear you. It’s
time someone loved and believed in you, and you can have
their voice with you all the time, telling you that setbacks are
temporary, problems are there to resolve, and your successes are
triumphs. Whenever you do something good, or things go well
for you, tell yourself: ‘Well done’ or ‘That was good.’
Victim talk and survivor talk
We saw earlier in this chapter how important it is to take control
of the meaning you attach to events. Events are what they are.
What impacts upon us is the interpretation we put on them. You
can control your sense of the meaning of events and how they
affect you by choosing the questions you ask yourself. No longer
see yourself as a victim: start to see yourself as a survivor. For
example:
A victim will ask: ‘Why is life so unfair?’
A survivor will ask: ‘What is really happening here?’
A victim will ask: ‘Why will nobody listen to me?’
A survivor will ask: ‘What is there that I can do?’
A victim will ask: ‘Why me?’
A survivor will ask: ‘What opportunities are there for me?’
A victim will ask: ‘Whose fault is it?’
make yourself your own
motivational coach